So, you’ve started playing tennis. You’ve probably realized by now that the ads showing smiling people hitting perfect, effortless shots are misleading. The reality is much closer to clips of top players smashing their rackets in frustration. You’re beginning to understand why—this sport involves a lot of swinging and missing, hitting the ball into the net, or launching it over the back fence. And yes, that builds up frustration.
To play tennis without getting frustrated is not the norm. Anger is almost guaranteed, just as much as the joy you feel when you hit a perfect shot. But the real issue I want to explore today is how to tackle the mental side of the game. Learning to control your emotions is a fundamental part of the learning curve. You’ll have days where it feels like you’ve gone backward. You’ll lose points on shots you know you can make.
The biggest challenge in your first year isn’t your backhand—it’s your brain. Your mind will be your toughest opponent. If you don’t learn how to manage it, you’ll never reach the point where the sport becomes truly enjoyable. Worse, you might lose motivation and quit altogether.
1. The Expectation Trap
The primary source of frustration is the gap between what you expect to happen and what actually happens. You watch a few minutes of a pro match and think, “I’ll just do that.” This is your first mistake. You’re comparing your beginner’s journey to someone’s 20-year highlight reel.
You have to redefine what a “win” is.
For a beginner, a “win” is not winning the match. A “win” is having a good five-shot rally. A “win” is getting three first serves in the box. A “win” is recognizing the right time to move to the net, even if you miss the volley.
Mistakes are not failures; they are data. That ball you just buried in the net? It’s not a reflection of your worth as a player. It’s feedback. It’s telling you that your contact point was too low, your racquet face was too closed, or you didn’t move your feet. That’s it. It’s a technical problem that needs a technical solution, not an emotional one.
2. The Myth of “The Last Point”
Tennis is a unique sport. In basketball or soccer, the game flows, and a mistake is instantly absorbed into the next play. In tennis, you miss a shot, and then you have 25 seconds of silence to stand there and think about exactly how and why you failed.
This is where beginners lose. They don’t just lose the next point; they are still mentally playing the last one. They hit a double fault, and they’re still thinking about it as the opponent serves… which causes them to miss the return. They’ve let one mistake spiral into two or three.
You must practice short-term memory. The moment the point is over, it ceases to exist.
The famous tennis player Roger Federer said it perfectly:
“When you lose every second point on average, you learn not to dwell on every shot. You teach yourself to think: ‘It’s only a point’.” – Roger Federer
This also applies to good shots. Don’t spend time congratulating yourself on that one amazing forehand you hit down the line. That point is also over. The score resets to 0-0 (Love-All) for the next point. Your focus must be relentlessly on the present.
3. Process Over Outcome
When you feel tension, it’s almost always because you are focused on the outcome: “I have to get this serve in,” or “I can’t miss this easy shot.” This pressure makes your muscles tighten, your breathing get shallow, and your swing get short and “pushy.”
You must shift your focus from the outcome to the process.
- Outcome Focus: “Don’t double fault.”
- Process Focus: “A good, high toss. A relaxed arm.”
- Outcome Focus: “I have to win this point.”
- Process Focus: “Watch the ball. Move my feet. Split-step.”
Your only job is to execute the process you’ve been practicing. Did you move your feet into position? Did you swing smoothly? If you did those things, you’ve succeeded, regardless of where the ball landed.
Better outcomes are a byproduct of a good process. You cannot get there by obsessing over the outcome itself. It’s a paradox, but it’s the most important one in the game.
4. Build Your “Reset Button”
You will feel anger and frustration. It’s going to happen. The key isn’t to prevent the feeling, but to manage the reaction. You need a physical “reset button” to pull you out of the emotional spiral.
Notice what pros do between points? They adjust their strings. They bounce the ball a specific number of times. They towel off. These aren’t just quirks; they are practiced, physical rituals to reset the mind.
Find yours. It could be:
- Turning your back to your opponent.
- Walking to the back fence.
- Taking one slow, deliberate breath—in through the nose, out through the mouth.
- Wiggling your toes inside your shoes to bring your focus back to your body.
Do the same exact thing after every single point, good or bad. This ritual creates a mental clean slate. It’s your signal to your brain that the last point is over and it’s time to focus on the next one.
Your mind is a tool. Right now, it’s probably working against you. By lowering your expectations, focusing on the present, and building a solid process, you can start to make it work for you.